500 days of Phan
by ibuypeetasbread
Summary: Daniel Howell believes in true love, he believes in soul mates. He meets Phil on January 8th. Just a normal day at first but that is the day he begins to fall in love with the boy that will eventually break his heart. PHAN / RATED M FOR FLUFF AND SMUT /
1. Chapter 1

_Heartbreak is one of those things that take over. It feels like someone has reached inside of you and torn it apart, everything is fucked up and it is my fault. You have no clue what I am going on about. You might think that I have just broken up with a girlfriend. But it's not that, I am heartbroken over someone that I shared everything with. I devoted myself to them; I thought they 'loved' me as much as I did them. I put love in quotation marks because it obviously wasn't true. Now that is. I don't know if they ever loved me._

_But that's where the story starts. It starts on January 8__th__. A Monday, it could had been any normal day, but that is the day I met him. _

Shit. Shit. I can't be late, it's his wedding. It's my Brother's wedding. I increase my pace and tread down the airport stairs to the terminal. I run my hands through my hair that flies into my face.

'FLIGHT TO CALIFORNIA CLOSING NOW – TERMINAL 23'

I look up at the flashing boards. Fuck. I pace down the terminal and can see the faint 23 in the distance. My body decides to go for it as I break into a full on sprit.

Fuck, running is so hard; I clench my hip, hurting with stitch. I quickly turn into the area and flash my boarding pass and passport. Breathing heavily I manage to stand up straight.

"You were lucky, you just made it." She smiles.

I can't mutter the words because I am so out of breathe, but I manage to flash her a smile. I reach up to feel my burning cheeks and push my now sweaty hair out of my forehead. Great look for a wedding Dan. Really classy.

I manage to find my way to my seat, people give me disapproving looks as I shuffle along the aisle with my backpack (not suitable for a wedding I know.) I reach my seat and awkwardly get by the person sitting to my left. I place my backpack by my feet and sigh. Just 9 hours. Only 9 hours.

I sit back and relax. I try and recover from my heart attack and slide back against the seat. I get out a magazine from my bag and start to read. The plane takes off and soon we are in the air.

I look along the rows and the plane is fairly empty. One woman next to me on my left but the two seats to my right are both unoccupied. My head cranes round and spots a spare window seat. I grab my bag and swiftly sit down. I feel kind of bad; but then no one was using it.

I watch the sun set out the window and start to unwind. I put my headphones on and plug on Muse, I lose myself for a couple of minutes.

"Excuse me." I feel a light tap on my shoulder.

I look round and come face to face with a boy about my age. I take a breath. I examine his bright blue eyes, I take in his flawless snow white skin and he has straight jet black hair flopping over his face. I am taken back.

"Sorry." I stammer, and pull out a head phone from my ear.

He looks down at the seat. "That's my seat."

Shit. I can feel my cheeks turning scarlet. "Oh sorry, I didn't see anyone sitting here."

I get up and life my bag from under the seat. I awkwardly shuffle out back into the aisle. He carries on looking at me, as if he has something to say.

I turn my back and begin to walk back to my seat.

"Hey." I hear his voice shout. "You can sit next to me if you want, I'm not with anyone."

I can feel the corners of my mouth lift into a smile. I run my fingers through my hair and turn back to face him.

"Thanks." I smile.

"No problem, I was getting kind of lonely anyway."

"Aw well, you're not alone anymore." I place my headphones back in my ears. I quickly take one out again. "Dan." I say.

He looks up from the book he is reading. "Phil." He smiles for the first time, his lips are so small and rosy.

I carry on listening and begin to write my own music, it's a real passion of mine, but it would never happen, I will get distracted. I occasionally glance over at Phil, he is still reading his book, he is so into it, his bright blue eyes don't leave the page unless he has to turn the page over. It's so mesmerising and calming watching him.

The sky is soon black and we are high above the clouds, the lady comes around with drinks and some food. I put on some mushy rom-com and lay back.

"Why are you going to California, holiday?" I hear Phil ask as I shove some chicken into my mouth.

"Kind of it's my brother's wedding." I look over at his eyes, shining under the light above. "I don't really want to go but, he is my brother so I figured."

"No way I am going to a wedding as well." He laughs. "It's not my brothers but I know him from some old work I used to do." He smiles

We carry on talking until my food gets cold, suddenly hours pass, tequila is drunk and everyone on the plane is asleep. Everyone except us.

I love watching him laugh, he scrunches up his nose and smiles, his eyes light up and he runs his hands through his hair.

We are talking in whispers, trying to be careful not to wake anyone up. It feels special, and private; like it's just us.

"So tell me Dan, what do you do?" He leans in closer.

I scratch my neck and smile, "I work in a music shop, I sell records and stuff like that." I give a small laugh "I don't make much money, I barley had enough to pay for this flight, what do you do then Phil?"

"Photography." He pulls away. "Wedding stuff, not that interesting."

"But that's so interesting."

"Seeing people in love isn't." He sits back in his seat and flicks hair over his face.

Without thinking I grab his hand and rest it on my leg. He looks up but doesn't move.

"Love isn't stupid." I say. "You probably haven't found the right person yet." I give a smile but he turns away; removing his hand from mine.

"I'm going to sleep now." He pulls the pillow behind his back and rests his head.

I don't say anything as he switches off the light above us, the plane falls into darkness apart from the glow of the aisle.

I believe in true love, I haven't found it yet. Yes I have been with girls and boys. I have had fun with people and felt emotions but… I want that flipping feeling in my stomach and the warmth that spreads through your body when you see them. You will never want to be apart from them, you want to share everything and leave nothing unsaid. If I fall in love I want it to be completely, I want to fall for them and never really get up again.

I watch the gentle glow of the planes lights outside the window, my eyes start to feel heavy, eventually I descend into a sleep full of worry, just like I do every night.

I feel a hand gripped in mine. I open my eyes and look over. Phil's hand is gripped in mine, his clasp tight, his head is resting on my neck and my arm is round his waist.

I can feel my eyes open wider with surprise, it feels..it feels amazing.

It must be morning, light is coming through the windows and people are awake, a gentle chatter in the atmosphere.

I feel him wake up, he slowly removes his arms and lifts his head, I don't move, I pretend to still be asleep. I wait a couple of minutes before sitting up.

"Morning." I smile.

"Hey." He looks at me with his big blue eyes, his hair messed up. "Sleep well?"

My mind flicks back to the image of his head resting on my neck. "It was alright."

"Do you two want some breakfast?"

"We're not a couple." I say.

"Oh, sorry." She exclaims "I thought from the sleeping that-"

"Don't worry." Phil says quickly.

She hands us our breakfast, a silence creeps over for the rest of the morning.

Soon the plane lands, I'm not really sure what to do. I haven't spoken since the attendant called us a couple, I mean..Phil might not even like me.

I get up and get my luggage from the holders, and pick up my backpack. I look over at Phil.

We walk off the plane in silence, one behind the other.

We get into security, Phil turns to face me.

"So.."

"So.." My eyes dance nervously.

"Right, well it was nice to meet you Dan." He looks at me and plays with his hands, "I hope your brother has a nice wedding."

"Erm..thanks, you too." He gives a small smile and starts to walk away. "I mean you're not getting married but erm." Shit. "Erm good luck with your job and Phil.. I hope you find out about love..because it does exist and it would be a waste." I tail off.

I turn and wheel my suitcase in the other direction. Fuck, fuck.

"Dan." I hear a shout and turn around.

Phil is running towards me. "Here take my number."

I take his business card and put it in my pocket. He gives another smile and runs away round the corner.

I feel the bit of card in my pocket. I can feel my stomach flipping and tying itself in knots.

I really really like Phil.

_I didn't know it, but that was the moment that I had fallen for him. I had just met the guy that was going to destroy my heart. The boy that believes in true love had just met the boy that doesn't believe in love at all._


	2. Chapter 2

_I never thought it would hurt this much, my whole body is shaking, I feel as if someone has got a knife and torn it down my back. My hands are trembling and my eyes are red and blotchy. I can't do anything; I think I might just sit here on this park bench for eternity._

I make it to the beach in time for 5:00, the sky is peachy orange and the sea is calm and swishing up onto the golden warmed sand. White chairs are laid out facing the sea, a gazebo is set up at the end of the alter, white lily's in bouquets and white candles decorate the aisle. Gentle music plays as I make my way down the beach.

"Dan." I hear my brother's voice. I turn around. He looks so happy.

"Hey." I hug him and give a smile. "This place is pretty nice."

"I know, Suzie did it."

I look at him; people say he looks just like me, apart from the large age difference. He has straight dark brown hair, warm brown eyes and he is just a bit shorter than myself at 6'1. You can tell he is happy through and through, he is smiling wide and his eyes are crinkled in a happy manor.

"I can't believe you came." He smiles. "I didn't think you would."

"No, I was always going to come." I give him another hug. "Good luck bro."

He walks off to go meet some other people. I look around and have no clue who anyone is. I decide to walk down the sea. I can't resist taking off my shoes. My feet run through the sand; it getting in between my toes, the sun is low in the sky and the air is warm, I am pleased with my outfit choice of denim cut offs and a shirt, it's casual but it was the dress code. The waves slowly cress my toes, the ocean water is slightly warm but feel so calming lapping against my skin.

My phone suddenly vibrates in my pocket, I look at it. Text from unknown number.

_'Hi Dan, this is Phil, I think this is the number you gave me, erm anyway I just wanted you to know that I really enjoyed talking with you this morning, text me back soon? I am beyond bored at this wedding I am taking the photos later but the ceremony hasn't even started. Phi P.S how is your brother's wedding?'_

I start to smile. He actually enjoyed talking to me! My fingers quickly text a reply.

_'Aw I enjoyed meeting you too, the wedding is ok, I am standing alone trying not to look too socially awkward. Dx'_

_'Don't worry, I am trying to blend in but I am already on my second round of shots Px'_

I give a small laugh. My hands quickly type back

'_Ugh we haven't had the ceremony either, I am so jetlagged wbu?'_

_'I am just sitting down waiting for it to start so I can take these god damn photos and go and sleep for a hundred hours'_

_'Oh god yes, I want drop to the sand right now, I am so fucking over this, no wonder you get fed up with weddings they take ages.'_

_'Yes! The last one I went to was stalled by about 2 hours, *yawns* Zzz'_

_'I don't know how you do it.'_

_'I just have too'_

_'well you don't really have too' _I quickly reply

_'well no but if I want a roof and food I do'_

I pause; I shouldn't be getting so personal. I put my phone away in my pocket. I look out at the ocean, the waves roll inshore. The sky is getting darker; it's burnt orange now, bright and vibrant.

My phone vibrates. It's not Phil this time.

_'Ceremony's starting, get ur arse up here. Adrian.' _

I put on my shoes and make my way back to the gazebo, the place looks really magical, but my mind is on Phil. I can't stop thinking about him.

The ceremony is nice, nice. That's not a very good word is it? It was what it should be, I mean it's my brother's wedding, I am not overjoyed for him since he is 8 years younger than me and he is getting married first.

I look around, my mother is crying, probably everyone is looking emotional. My head swings back to front but I catch a glimpse of black hair. I turn my head back again. Fuck. It's Phil.

I am sure it is blue eyes ghastly white skin.

I see him look in my direction. Shit. I turn back and watch my brother make out with Suzie. Eugh.

Soon everyone starts to crowd to the other gazebo out on the far side of the beach. But I stay behind, and sure enough he does as well.

I watch him stay seated on his white chair. My phone vibrates.

_'I can see you J' _He looks up and smiles.

I quickly tap a response_. 'Me too J'_

He stands up and walks towards me. "Hi."

His eyes shine under the moon; I look up at the now deep blue sky. All the starts are shining.

"Hi." I brush my hair out of my face.

"Want to get away?" He smiles and then walks past, his hand brushes against mine, I feel an electric shock.

Suddenly we walk down the shoreline, the waves crashing against the sand; the water looks dark and blue. The smell of salt is in the air.

"Did you um… on the plane, did you mean to sleep like.." I look away out into the distance.

He turns to face me. I stop in my tracks. "Did I mean to sleep with you? Did I mean to rest my head on your neck and intertwine my hand into yours?"

I look at him in the eyes, his eyes so blue, the moon is faintly visible in his pupils. I look down at his lips, so perfect, so small and rosy. Something makes me want to taste them, something makes me want to grab hold of him right now.

"Yes." I breathe.

"Well I can't quite remember can you demonstrate how I held you?" he smiles.

I grab his waist and pull towards him. I hear the sea gently moving out and in, much calmer than the rhythm of my heart: my heart is beating a thousand a minute.

"Here." I whisper in his ear. He twists his neck in, his arms reach around my shoulders, I lean in closer. Suddenly our lips meet.

I feel a burst of something, I kiss him like I want to be kissed, I thrust my tongue down his throat and grab him. I don't let go. He doesn't either.

And then I feel it.

My stomach flips. It's that feeling.

The feeling that you are meant to feel when you have fallen for someone.

_That was the night that I did fall for him I fell for Phil under the moon that night, I tasted his salty lips and grabbed his waist. That was the night that I was convinced that he would be the one that was going to make my hopes about love true._


	3. Chapter 3

"What do you dream of doing Dan?" He looks up at me.

I look down at his face and brush the hair out of his eyes. His neck is resting on my leg. We are lying on the sand, I am sitting up but he is laying on me, his hand linked in mine.

"I want to write music and make people listen." I stare out at the dark blue sea, the stars shining down the moon reflecting on the cool surface of the water.

"I want people to look at my photography." He gives a small smile "I want them to admire it, you know it would be more than just a picture of a landscape."

"I know what you mean, it's the same with my music, I want it to have meaning."

He looks up and I bend down and kiss him again on the lips, this time the kiss is romantic and slow, he reaches up and wraps his hands round my neck, I feel warmth spread from my lips right down to my feet.

I pull away and look away; I have a stupid smile on my face that I don't want him to see.

I feel in my pocket and pull out a packet of cigarettes, I feel again, fuck where has the lighter gone.

"You ok?" Phil opens his eyes.

"Fine."

He looks over and see's my hand clutching the packet.

"You smoke, huh?"

Shit, what if he is really badly anti-cigarettes, fuck is it really unattractive to him or something?

"Um, well.." I stutter "I was quitting but… I mean I have quit…um."

"Can I have one?"

"Yeah, I mean I have quit…so I don't know why I have them." I look at him again. "Wait you smoke?"

"Yes, good on you for quitting but I couldn't live without them sometimes."

I hand him the packet and he takes one and puts it in his mouth, he feels in his pocket and lights it up. The spark from the lighter lights up his face, illuminated in the darkness.

He passes the packet back to me. I take one and put it in my own mouth.

"So you haven't really quit?"

"I thought you didn't smoke so I didn't want to seem undesirable."

He takes the cigarette out of him mouth and laughs, smoke swirls around me. He feels in his pocket and lights mine up for me. I take a drag.

We stay silent for a while; he closes his eyes and lies on my legs. I stare out to sea dragging on my cigarette.

He sometimes exhales the smoke, it floats upwards and I inhale it.

The sea gently sways up and down the sand; the wedding is still going on in the distance, the gazebo lit up with light, the low tones of people laughing. But I know I would much rather be here, lying silently with the person that I think I might be falling in love with.

After a while he gets up and takes my hand. "Let's walk."

His hand is cold but I feel immediately warmer being so close to him.

The sand is wet underfoot; my shoes are in my spare hand. I feel the tiny grains getting in between my toes.

I suddenly feel more awake. Quickly I push him into the water; he falls over onto the shore, soaking his clothes and hair.

He doesn't say anything he just lays there. Shit.

"Phil, sorry…fuck, I'm really sorry." I run over to look at him.

I bend over and wipe away his hair to reveal his eyes, the glint and then I feel his arms reach out around me, he pushes me backwards further into the sea.

Water splashes around me, soaking my shirt and my cut offs, my hair gets coated in salt water.

"PHYC!" He shouts, laughing.

"You bastard!" I get up and run towards him. I reach out and splash him with water. I quickly run across the beach, my hair curly with water and my clothes wet through. My feet pace down the wet mushy sand, I can't stop smiling.

"I'm coming to get you." I hear him scream with happiness as he runs behind me.

He grabs my leg and I fall over onto the blanket which is the sand. He falls on top of me. His hair waving down his blue eyes shining.

"Got you." He leans in and I lean forward waiting to kiss him. Quickly I roll out from underneath him and leave him confused on the floor.

I leave him and run to the opposite end of the beach, my heart pounding and my hair flopping over my face. "Come get me Phil!" I giggle with excitement.

I decide to hide behind some rocks; I breathe slowly and keep quiet waiting for him to find me.

1 Minute

2 Minutes

Suddenly the air becomes colder; the happiness is starting to fade away.

"Phil?" I say. "Phil?"

No answer.

"Phil?" I shout louder this time, coming out from behind the cluster of rocks. The shore of the beach is empty, I am so far away from the wedding I might as well be completely alone.

My heart begins to pound, but not with thrill this time, my heart is beating with worry.

I start to run along the shore, the sand doesn't feel nice now, it's clumping and sticking in between my toes, my stomach begins to churn.

"PHIL?" The air is cold against my wet clothes and my skin begins to prick.

"Dan…" I hear a faint murmuring.

I quickly run outwards towards a cluster of rocks. Shit what. I bend down and wipe my hand against the rock, metallic ruby red blood.

"Fuck! PHIL." I start to shout over and over. My feet get coated in blood. The rocks are sharp and cut into my skin but I carry on walking round until I get to a large cluster. The moaning becomes louder. I wince and breathe in slowly.

"Dan…Dan..help."

I slowly walk round the corner and nothing could prepare me to what I see.

From what I can tell he is covered from head to toe in dark red blood, sticking everywhere, his hair, seeping into his clothes.

I gasp and I think opens his eyes.

I look at his leg and wince. I almost fall backwards.

"Help me please." He says sharply as if he is struggling to intake oxygen.

His leg is cut open, blood is pumping out fast and furiously and I can see the flesh under his skin, the cut is so deep I think I can see the white bone that lays underneath.

I quickly kneel down beside him. I take his hand, it's cold and weak.

"Phil…Phil…I need you to stay with me ok." My voice is barely louder than a whisper.

"I don't think I can.."

"Do it for me." I force a smile. I quickly get out my phone and dial an ambulance.

"That's fucking great no fucking signal." I shout and kick a rock, my skin peels away and blood begins to flow, my toe begins to throb.

"Dan..Dan I don't think I can do it." He whispers, tears fall down his face, even whiter with fear.

I bend down again and grab him. "No…no you can do this, ok I will carry you." I start to get hysterical "Phil…Phil just stay with me ok, please..I need you right now."

I bend down and with all my might I try and pick him up. He stays silent. But I can see the pain flash through his face, he is biting so hard on his lip blood begins to fall down his chin.

I get him in my arms, he is cold and barely with me, he keeps on closing his eyes and whimpering.

Tears begin to flow down my face. "Phil." I scream. "Phil, don't leave me."

He lies limply in my arms as I walk along the rocks, it's a million times harder with a human in your arms, I am catching my toes and heel every single time I take a step, my foot is bleeding all over.

My arms are covered in blood, physically coated, Phil's eyes close.

"No….NO NO" I shout. "DON'T LEAVE ME PHIL, I SWEAR TO GOD." I scream, more tears fall down my face.

What the fuck even did this. I look down and watch his face, emotionless. I start to hyperventilate. My lungs don't want to work; I am in such a state of panic I can't walk straight. The tears block up my eyes and I can't wipe them because Phil is in my arms.

I approach the beach, my feet leave a trail of red behind them, Phil's leg is in such a bad condition I have to lie him down on the sand and tie my shirt around his leg, sandwiching the two edges of skin back together, trying to stop the very heavy blood flow.

It's like a scene from the fucking Hunger Games.

I am still hyperventilating when I walk towards the gazebo.

"I need help." I scream, but my voice is so hoarse from crying so much it barely comes out as a whisper.

I don't remember the rest of it. I look down at his emotionless painless face and start to feel lightheaded. The room suddenly begins to spin round and I wipe my face with my bloody hands, I close my eyes and then fall backwards.

It's like I'm flying.

That's when I fall backwards and I smash my head on the floor, the room goes black and the last thing I see my hand leave Phil's.


	4. Chapter 4

I sit in that corridor until 3 in the morning; I stare endlessly into the big white walls and breathe in the smell of sick people covered up with the smell of sterile disinfectant.

It brings back memories, and that's why I am having a hard time coping, waiting for someone, someone you love, someone that holds a place in your heart. Waiting for them to come out of the room, come and tell you that they are alright.

I didn't have that happen to me, I had a doctor, wearing his big white coat, he came up to me as a small boy, I was only 7 that day, that day that my mother passed away. I was sitting on the plastic orange chairs, scuffing my feet on the floor; they all came up to me, sympathy written all over. They explained that she had gone somewhere peaceful, that she had finally gone somewhere where she can be happy and not live in depression.

Tears didn't spring from my face, only blankness; I turned hollow, and became shy. I didn't talk, I didn't smile. All I did from that day was carry on going. Because –

Because I am still living for my mother.

These corridors scare me, not because of the smell, or the faint noise of heart machines. Not because of the big doctors or the people strapped to chairs.

What really scares me is losing the person you love, and not being able to say goodbye.

It's stupid because I know Phil is going to be ok, he just cut his leg open, he lost a lot of blood. The nurse told me earlier that I saved his life. I saved his life by getting him off the rocks and applying a shirt and compressing to stop the blood flow. It formed a clot which stopped the bleeding. He didn't lose enough, to –, you know die.

I stir restlessly in my chair, the corridor stays silent and nobody comes to reassure me. I am sitting on my own, my clothes and hair still wet with saltwater, my eyes are straining because of lack of sleep, but I'm not leaving until I see Phil.

"Mr Howell?" I hear a nurse as she walks along the corridor.

I slowly get out of my seat; I run my hands over my eyes and through my hair.

"Yes."

"Mr Lester wants to see you."

I ring my hands and quietly follow her to his room, I close my eyes and enter, the beat of the heart monitor and the smell of metal overwhelms me.

"I will leave you for a bit, I will be back soon to give you your medication." She turns on her heel and walks out of the room.

I look over and him, his hair still raven black and his eyes vibrant blue. His face breaks into a smile.

"You waited for me!" He beams.

I give a small smile and walk over to his bed. I look for his leg but it's covered in blankets.

He looks at me and then gives a laugh "Want to see?"

"Not really."

He lifts up the blankets to reveal a massive gash down his leg, it's red and swollen and stiches have now sewn the open flesh back together.

"Can you feel it?" I walk nearer to the bed.

"A bit, but I have taken so much morphine, so I can just feel numbness." He quickly covers the blanket back up.

I suddenly walk right to the bed and place my hands on the blanket. "May I?"

He turns his head in confusion.

I carefully lift up the blanket and stare the wound in the face; I shudder a tiny bit but, bend down and plant a kiss on his leg. Magic kisses.

Something my mother used to do for me when I had hurt myself, this was when we my Dad was around, we were one happy family, we used to ride on our bikes for miles and miles out into the country. One day I fell off my bike and grazed my knee. I started crying but my mother knelt down a kissed my leg. It made what seemed like the end of the world turn into something not so bad, I dried my tears and my leg felt better. A tear begins to drip from my face; I clear the image of my mother out of my head.

I kiss Phil's leg again; he twitches slightly but doesn't move, I keep on kissing the wound. Eventually I pull away. The tear from my face is quickly wiped away by my sleeve.

"What was that?" He smiles.

"Magic kisses, to make you feel better." I walk towards the head of the bed. I perch on a stool, Phil rests his head on my neck.

"They've worked then." He giggles. I let a small laugh escape my mouth as well.

I rest my hand on his chest, feeling him breathe, rise and fall. We sit in silence for a couple of minutes, a serene smile plastered all over his face.

"What happened Phil?" I eventually say.

"I was running to get you, but it was so dark I couldn't see much so I ran into some rocks and then fell over, the big stones cut right through my leg and that is how this happened." He gestures to the wound.

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for Dan; there is nothing to be sorry about." He removes his head from my shoulder and looks me in the eyes.

"What?" I ask.

He snaps out of his gaze. "Oh, erm nothing." He shakes his head. "I am so tired."

I stand up, "Let me give you some time to sleep then, I will be outside." I give a convincing smile, not looking forward to be spending more hours in the corridor.

I walk away from his bed and open the door.

"Wait." He shouts. I turn around.

"What?" I run my hands through my hair; oh shit I really need a shower.

"Stay with me." He whispers.

I nod, I walk towards the bed, I sit down on the stool, but Phil shakes his head. He points to the bed.

I open my eyes in surprise.

He sticks his lip out and makes his eyes bigger.

I give a tiny laugh.

He removes the duvet and invites me in. The hospital bed is really small but I manage to fit next to Phil. I lie down and I put my arm around him, he rests his head on my chest. The covers are warm and special, my heart begins to race. Phil smiles and pecks me on the lips, a sensation runs through my body.

I lean over and turn the room's lamp off, we lay in darkness, the only sound is the rise and fall of our breathing in synchronisation. I close my eyes and get closer to Phil, my other hand intertwined with his.

"Dan." I hear a whisper.

"What?" I breathe back.

"I just want to tell you that I think I am falling in love with you." I open my eyes to meet his, we are nose to nose, his eyes illuminate the dark room.

"I think I am falling in love with you as well." I squeeze his hand tighter, just like that he shuts his eyes again, this time he drifts off into a deep sleep.

I keep my eyes open watching him, he looks so happy and peaceful. My heart feels like it's singing inside of my chest. I brush the hair out of his forehead and kiss it.

"Night Phil."

That night I descended into a sleep full of hope and promise for the future, unlike the tangled nightmares that usually greet me. Tonight was the start that made me feel like I have a chance to be with him. I have a chance to be with the guy I am pretty sure is the one.


	5. Chapter 5

_Now you think it's going great, I am falling in love with him and he is falling in love with me. But do you want to know something, it was never destined to end in love, we are just two different people and looking back at it now makes me shiver, I gave him everything and in return all I have now is a broken heart and a head full of thoughts, things I should I had done differently but I will never get a chance to repeat it again._

"Morning." I open my eyes and watch him kiss me on the lips.

I take in my surrounds, the hospital room is light and smells of washing power, I am warm, my arms still tangled amongst his. I feel relaxed and for once I have woken up happy.

"Morning." I smile and kiss him back. I feel a fluttering sensation run through my stomach.

I quickly get out of the bed and unwrap myself from the covers

"Don't go." Phil murmurs

"I'm not going; I'm just going to sit over here." I sit down on the stool. "They don't need to know we slept together."

He smiles as the door swings open.

"Mr Lester?" The nurse asks, Phil nods his head. "You need to be checked over, but you can go home now." She picks up some documents from the table.

She walks to the door, "Mr Howell?" She looks over and I look up.

"Yes?"

"Can you escort Mr Lester back to his home; it would be doing a lot of good."

I look over and Phil and he smiles. "Sure." I beam.

Over the next hour, I am taken out of the room and lead back to the corridor, the hospital calls a taxi for Phil and me. I am left waiting, but this time it's a different experience, I am happy and smiling; I just spent the night next to the guy that I am in love with.

It's official. I'm in love with Phil. I love his smile. I love his hair. I love his knees. I love how he licks his lips before he talks. I love the heart-shaped birthmark on his neck. I love it when he sleeps

The door open and he is pushed out on a wheelchair, I give a smile as I see his pale face, he looks scared but he looks happy to be going home, I think.

The car is waiting outside, they let Phil get in and then I thank them for their help. I give all the nurses a smile, one pulls closer and whispers in my ear.

"Whoever he is and whatever you are doing, just never let him go." She pulls away and smiles. I can't help beaming back.

They close the door and the car drives away. Phil looks out the window and we travel the first half hour in silence, I watch hills roll by.

"I thought you lived in London?" I finally ask.

"I do, I just rent another house out here because it's summer it's wedding season, I get good business out here in Cali."

"Shit." My phone vibrates and the reminder pops up *go to airport, u don't want to miss ur flight u twat.*

"What?" He says turning away from the window.

"My flight back to London." I bite my lip.

"You need to go then." He says without any hesitation.

"No, I can't leave you."

"Yes you can."

"No I can't."

"Driver." Phil shouts. "Can we go to the airport please."

"NO NO NO." I shout over the top. "No the normal destination."

He sinks back into his seat. "Dan you have to leave."

"What?"

"Get out the car." He says looking me in the eyes.

I sit there, what is he going on about.

"I said get out the fucking car." He raises his voice.

"But..It's moving, what the fuck Phil."

"I don't care; you are going back to London."

He reaches for the door handle. "WHAT THE FUCK PHIL!" I scream. "Do you want to kill yourself?"

I snatch his hand away and he falls into my arms, he lies across the seat, his head resting on my chest, "Yes." He cries, he starts to cry soaking my shirt.

I don't say anything, I just sit there, holding him, letting him cry, cry and cry. The driver ignores us and drives on, but Phil carries on cry. I hold his hand and squeeze it tightly.

Eventually he gets up and looks at me, his eyes red and blotchy, his lip trembles.

"I want to kill myself Dan."

"But..but what about."

"What about you? He questions, a tear slides down his face.

My lip begins to shake, I can feel my eyes swell with tears; they sting as I hold them back.

"I can't be with you Dan, I can't, I am going to break your heart." He shakes "You're deserve better than me, you deserve so much more. You don't want me, no one ever does."

I can't hold the tears back any longer, they pour down my face. I try to wipe them away with my sleeve, but it just soaks through with salt water.

"Yes you can Phil, you don't realise it but you are perfect, I think I love you." I take a deep breath and grab his hand. "I need you Phil, I need you more than you could ever imagine. I don't deserve you but yet I want you and have a longing to be with you."

He gives a shaky smile but it fades away "No Dan, you don't understand, my heart is screaming, my brain is telling me not to be such a fucking idiot playing with your emotions, I won't let myself fall in love with you because I don't deserve to be with anyone, let along someone as perfect as you." Fresh tears begin to flow, the next sentence he says is barely understandable. "I deserve to be dead, that's what my Dad thinks that's what everyone thinks, no one wants me or has ever loved me, and I don't want you to love me because if you do, I'm just going to hurt you."

He hand leaves mine and reaches for the car door, my heart begins to thump under my chest, I can't fully function, I can't say anything to make him change his mind, all I can do is watch.

His hands grab hold of the handle and he pulls with force.

_The next thing that happens will change this story and take it in a completely new direction._


	6. Chapter 6

He didn't slip away though, as he reached for that car door handle, he made sure the lock was on, I could feel my heart beating faster than it ever had. I hadn't even thought about losing him, that hadn't even reached my mind yet.

Phil sits straight upright for a few seconds, I hear his chest heave, the deep breaths coming out, his heart pounding under his tiny paper thin ribcage.

He flops over and lands on my shoulder once again. He begins to cry once again, but this time, I know for certain that he is safe; he is safe in my arms.

"You did the right thing." I utter, twisting my fingers amongst his soft raven black hair. He doesn't say anything, he just reaches for my hand and grabs it tightly, I squeeze back, just like I did to my Mother when I was younger, when I felt vulnerable and afraid.

The taxi continues to my apartment, I thrust more than enough notes in his direction. I unlock the car door and get out; Phil still sits in the middle seat, tears streaming down his face, his cheeks red and his blue eyes swollen.

"Come on, here we go." I say as I pick him up bridal style and take him out the car. The driver gives me a strange look, but I can't be bothered to say anything. He grunts and gets back in and drives away. Phil feels cold in my arms, I push a strand of hair out of his forehead, my friend gives me a weak smile. I think he mouths 'thank you'.

I reach the door and turn in the keys, the apartment is warm and streaming with sunlight, the smell of oranges is in the air and I feel immediately a bit happier. I carry him over to the couch that overlooks the French doors that open out onto the pool and patio.

"Do you need anything, I'm just going to have a shower, promise I will be 5 minutes."

He nods and closes his big eyes, I watch him for a second, his legs intertwined, he sleeps crawled up in a ball, his hands closes making fists, I smile, he is safe.

I walk to my room and begin undressing, stripping off my shirt and then unzipping my cut offs. That feels good to get them off, denim can become uncomfortable after a while, but it's worth it.

I grab my Malibu beach towel and make my way to the shower.

"Daaaaaaaaaannnn." I hear a shout.

SHIT SHIT SHIT. What has he done now, fuck "PHIL ARE YOU OK?" I try and say with not too much worry in my expression.

"Everything's fine apart from a found a DVD on your shelf." I hear footsteps and swiftly wrap my towel around my waist; after all I am completely naked.

He walks into the bathroom, he's smiling, which is a change, but it suits him. Phil should smile more often.

My eyes focus on the DVD box, oh shit.

His eyes seem to focus on my body.

"Phil my face is up here." He jerks and then moves his eyes to meet mine.

"Sorry, um I was distracted." He focuses and looks at the plastic cover in his hand. "Slip'n Slide in the Shower. Daaaaan." He laughs.

I can feel my face turning bright pink "It was a present."

He shifts his weight and walks a bit closer towards me. "Really Daniel, really?" He says with a whisper before biting his lip.

I can feel myself getting turned on which is impossible, my hands feel clammy as I wring my fingers, fuck pull yourself together Dan.

"Yes, really Phil, is that so hard to believe, and I've never done it, or watched it or tried it…"

He gets even closer; I can feel him breathing now. I want to kiss those lips again, oh jesus I do. "Well Dan." He pauses.

I can feel my dick throbbing underneath the towel; I try to position my hands so he can't see how hard I am getting.

"I think we should try some." He touches my cheek and licks his lips. Then he leans in, his hair tickles my forehead, I lean back. I can feel the stubble on his chin and the warmth of his lips. He suddenly pulls away and runs down the stairs. "Come get me Dan."

I can feel my dick twitch, the temptation. I walk to the top of the stairs and look down, he is sitting on the couch, and the DVD is playing.

"Come join me Dan." His arms beckon me.

I walk down the stairs, he looks below my waist, he smirks, I look away. He's seen me hard.

Fuck.

He gets up slowly and does that smirk he always wears. "Maybe we don't even need to watch the stupid video anyway, you look like you're doing fine yourself Dan."

"Shut up Phil." I laugh and mock punch his arm.

He comes towards me and begins kissing my neck; I throw my head back and moan as he begins to suck.

"You know you love it Dan." He laughs and then gets back to sucking. I lean back against the wall. I reach for his zipper; I see a bulge already appearing from his jeans.

"Someone else is ready for it I see." I run my hands over the bulge; I feel his move off balance for a second. He gives a moan of approval and I begin to palm him through the soft denim.

I begin to climb the stairs and Phil still continues to suck, my mind wonders just how dark the hickey is going to turn out.

The energy we both manage to gather is incredible, seeing as we having properly slept in days. The warmth seems to course through my body, I feel sexy, turned on and slightly confused.

"Dan… keep going, he looks down at his half hard dick. I undo the zipper and he releases my neck, he begins to plant lots of kisses along my skin now, every so often biting and twisting the skin in his teeth. I can only throw my head back and give a long throaty moan.

"Danny likes it rough." He teases.

I slap his leg. "Fuck off Phil."

I pull down his jeans and his legs are exposed, I look at his thighs, cuts.

I'm not going to say I didn't expect cuts; I have cuts on my wrists actually, he has probably already seen and just acknowledge.

"Just ignore them Dan." He whispers and get back to kissing my neck and face.

I blink and plant a kiss on each kiss. He shudders but I feel a hand run along my hand and he squeezes it, I think this means thank you or you're a bitch, I'm not sure.

I carry on palming his through his boxers; he pulls my hair and starts to thrust in my direction. I know what he wants.

I pull down the fabric, his dick is fully hard and practically throbbing, I run my fingers along the tip, he tries to keep in the moan. I walk on my knees as he guides me into the shower; I feel the water slowly drip down onto my head.

I lean in as he thrusts again, my tongue just goes around the rim, I pull away and palm him again, the pre fluid runs onto my hands.

The bathroom showers tiles are hard against my knees but I continue to suck around the rim. I decide it's time and look up at his face.

His eyes are shut and he is breathing fast. His expression is priceless.

I open my mouth and get half of him in, I don't want to say this, but I am bigger than him, and I'm not a cocky person, but It's one thing I'm proud of. A big cock.

I manage to get all of him inside my mouth, I run my tongue around and start to suck slowly at first, but _gradually_ increase the speed, he shudders and shakes and the water continues to stream down.

I am sucking so hard in fact, and Phil seems to enjoy it so much he pulls the shower curtain off the metal rails, it falls on top of my head, I can hear him slip out a small laugh as I continue to wind my tongue around his length.

"Ugh….Dan….Dan…" He comes into my mouth, the salty cum flows down my throat; I decide to swallow, since it's not nice when it's cold.

I ride him through his orgasm, he shakes but I run his length and hold his hand, he gaps as if for more air.

"I fucking love you Dan." He shudders, "You know that, since that was fucking amazing." He slides down the wall and sits with his legs spread out open towards me, my cock now exposed, the towel has slipped away.

"Now it's my turn." He winks.


End file.
